It’s been going on for the majority of my life, this lie circling around in my head. It stirs up a lot of fear in me, sometimes to the point where I change the way I live and rob myself of the freedom of being myself. The lie isn’t there all the time, but when it comes around it’s super drowning.
I’m not ____ enough.
I’m not funny enough. I’m not tan enough. I’m not outgoing enough. I’m not quite fun enough. I’m not fit enough. And definitely not talented enough.
Maybe you read that and wonder where in the world my self-esteem has gone. And that’s pretty fair. I’ve never really had much of it if we’re being honest. But I don’t think that’s the culprit here. I know people with plenty of self-esteem that still struggle with this from time to time.
I met with a friend for coffee one morning a few weeks back and we talked a lot about what she’s learning this summer. She mentioned one thing that really stuck with me and that I’ve been thinking on ever since, and that’s the connection between your biggest insecurity and your most reoccurring sin.
It made me think about my biggest insecurity (not being enough) and how that affects or encourages my constant wish for approval to be found in people, whether that’s a friend or a family member or a boy (ha).
And then I asked myself the question, “not enough for who?”
Let us take a moment and ask ourselves that question and answer it honestly. Am I not enough for myself? for other people? for God?
I know my answer and there are a few problems with it.
1. We’re not here for people. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
2. I was designed and hand crafted by the greatest Artist of all time and made just the way He wanted me. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14
3. I don’t have to worry about being enough, because He is enough through me. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Those are the facts that abolish the lie. I know them well in my head but my heart has issues with them. The enemy robs me again and again of joy and my willingness to be used as I hear that I’m not enough. But even when I choose to believe the lie, these things are still true. He still loves me and I am still beautiful to Him.
It’s a daily battle and a daily choice, but today I choose to believe that I’m pretty and I’m funny and I’m pretty cool just the way I am – because if He’s alive in me, how could I not be?
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This is pretty open and honest and super vulnerable, but it’s worth it to me if just one person gets that they’re not alone in this. For more, check out this letter I wrote to myself a year ago that I read from time to time.